Repo! The Genetic Opera

Repo! The Genetic Opera
2008. Rated R, 98 minutes.
Director: Darren Lynn Bousman.
Starring Alexa Vega, Anthony Stewart Head, Paul Sorvino, Paris Hilton.
Organ transplants have become big business for GeneCo, a hugely powerful corporation run by Rotti Largo (Sorvino). They even offer financing. Of course, just like with anything else, if you default on your payments they send the repo man after you. Yup, they repossess whatever organ you purchased, no matter what it is - kidney, lung, heart - and not in a nice manner. They just chase you down and rip it from your body. Nice. GeneCo's top repo man, Nathan (Head) has a daughter with a potentially fatal blood disease and an old rivalry with his megalomaniacal boss, Largo. By the way, Largo's children spend almost the entire movie arguing over who gets the company when Dad kicks. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that it's a musical. Yes, a musical. Imagine an even more twisted and absurd Sweeney Todd. It's truly one of the most bazaar movie watching experiences I've ever had. It has "cult classic" written all over it. I can't stress enough how strange this is. And I loved every minute of it. You haven't lived until you've seen Paris Hilton's face literally slide off her skull while she's on stage crooning a morbid tune. Speaking of the famous heiress, I have to give her kudos for this one. I usually have no use for her but she's a great sport, here, obviously spoofing herself and being pretty funny about it. Those haters at "The Razzies," didn't agree and gave her "Worst Supporting Actress" for this role. For what this movie was trying to be however, I thought she was perfect. And it was everything it was trying to be. As a result, Repo! is easily my favorite "so bad its awesome!" movie of 2008. MY SCORE: -10/10

Death Race vs. Death Race

Death Race 2000
1975. Rated R, 84 minutes.
Director: Paul Bartel. Starring David Carradine, Sylvester Stallone, Simone Griffeth, Mary Woronov.
In the year 2000, racecar drivers compete in the annual "Transcontinental Race," a three day race across the continental United States. Each driver has a navigator of the opposite sex, two of the drivers are female. The winner is determined by some combination of where a driver finishes and how many points they have. They earn points by killing civilians with their cars. Of course, different types of people are worth different amounts with babies (70 points) and senior citizens (100) being worth the most. The race was created by "Mr. President," who's now become a dictator and governs the country from abroad. The race itself is a ridiculous premise but the filmmakers know this and play it to its campy hilt. We get humor from the drivers mowing down pedestrians and the hilarious commentary of our announcing team. In particular, Grace Pander (Joyce Jameson) cracks me up with her "dear friend" schtick. The two overnight pit stops are an excuse for nudity, fighting and yelling. Speaking of yelling, a pre-Rocky Sly Stallone does most of it while obviously hamming it up as Machine Gun Joe. Usually, its about all the adulation his arch-rival Frankenstein (Carradine) gets. At the end of the day, it's a socio-political satire that takes itself even less serious than most. It also gets about 25 years ahead of the reality-TV craze, even about a decade before The Running Man (+1 for Sly over Arnie). Still, it's main strength is absurdity. It flexes those muscles often, making it "so bad its awesome!" MY SCORE: -10/10


Jumping into my Delorean and getting up to 88 mph I arrive at...

Death Race

2008. Rated R, 105 minutes.

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson. Starring Jason Statham, Tyrese Gibson, Joan Allen, Ian McShane.

Plot: Prisons have become privately owned entities. One of them broadcasts "Death Race" worldwide, a series of three day auto racing events featuring inmates driving armed vehicles on a closed course on prison property. Jensen Ames (Statham) is "recruited" by Warden Hennessey (Allen) to replace the series' biggest star.

The Good: It knows exactly what it wants to do and does it. DR is only interested in amping up the testosterone levels via an incessant stream of car crashes, gunshots, explosions and the occasional peek at hot female inmates in tight t-shirts and tighter jeans. All of this is punctuated by shots of Joan Allen talking tough and doing her best "game face." With videogame sensibilities (the cars actually have to pass over various icons on the track in order for certain weapons to be enabled) and attention to "graphics," its an unabashedly aggressive action-junkies wet dream. By the way, those "graphics" are a nice mix of cgi and organic stunts."

The Bad: A minor problem is that its exceedingly dumb. Every action is taken simply because the result promises to be spectacular. That's okay with regard to the race itself but it's even done outside the race. However, if you only want a popcorn movie then that's minor and you let it slide. The bigger problem is only a problem if you're familiar with the original, Death Race 2000. That was a campy satire taken to absurd extremes while keeping it's tongue firmly in cheek. Its silly on purpose, yet still has something to say. All of this makes DR 2000 "so bad its awesome!" This new version keeps only the action and replaces all the rest with grunts and scowls. It takes itself way too seriously like it has something really insightful to say but it doesn't. This makes its stupidity seem accidental which is always worse.

The Ugly: What happens to the guy who says "You can't kill me!"

Recommendation: This is strictly a popcorn movie. Its watchable crap akin to a vapid supermodel. There's nary a thought in its pretty little head and lots of eye candy but easily forgotten once the next pretty girl walks past. Like most remakes, or "reimaginings" it works best if you haven't seen the original.

The Opposite View: Nathan Lee, New York Times

What the Internet Says: 6.7/10 on imdb.com (5/20/09), 42% on rottentomatoes.com, 43/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

So, if you're keeping up you realize I like the movie with the lower score better.

Zombie Strippers!

Zombie Strippers!
2008. Rated R, 94 minutes (unrated DVD version).

Director: Jay Lee. Starring Jenna Jameson, Robert Englund, Shamron Moore, Roxy Saint.

The W Corporation, as in George W. Bush, develops a way to reanimate dead soldiers so they can continue fighting in the war. Of course, the test subject are uncontrollable zombies and have overrun the lab where they were created. A special forces unit is brought in to wipe them out. In the process, one of the soldiers is bitten by a zombie subsequently infecting him. Bada boom, bada bing he stumbles into the nearest underground strip joint. By the way, it's underground because all public nudity has been completely banned. Anyhoo, he infects Kat (Jameson), the star dancer. Zombie stripping, blood, guts and all manner of ridiculousness ensues. Long story short, how could you expect anything other than "so-bad-it's-awesome!" from a movie titled Zombie Strippers! and starring the world's most famous porn star in a "legit" role. Oh, a little FYI, she's had way too much plastic surgery done to her real face, nevermind the zombie makeup that was applied. To the movie's credit, it knows it's ridiculous but still fancies itself a sharp political satire in the tradition of George A. Romero's best work. Though its unquestionably ridiculous and certainly a satire, sharp is the absolute last thing I would call it. MY SCORE: -10/10

I Married a Monster from Outer Space

1958. Not Rated, 77 minutes.

Director: Gene Fowler. Starring Gloria Talbott, Tom Tryon, Robert Ivers, Chuck Wassil.

Marge (Talbott) marries her sweetheart Bill (Tryon) and notices he's acting really strange. She soon discovers that the man she married is...wait for it...wait for it...a monster from outer space. Well, actually his body has been taken over by a monster...from outer space. One by one, this starts happening to all the men in town as Marge frantically tries to find help in stopping them. Yup, this is 50s B-movieism at its finest...or worst depending on your point of view. The aliens use screwy logic but hilariously enough, they're better husbands than the humans they've taken over. The human men, married or not, are all heavy drinkers who spend every night at the local pub. When we get to the "exciting conclusion" it's because a) people suddenly know things they shouldn't, but don't know things they should and b) ...well, there's a lot of stupid stuff. Think Invasion of the Body Snatchers mixed with Plan 9 from Outer Space and a dash of Signs thrown in. The unintentional humor is high, the special fx are shoddy, even for the 50s, and one particular fact about our alien friends renders the whole thing impossible. That's why it's so bad, it's awesome! MY SCORE: -10/10